Impossible Fusion - written by Charly Boy

Article written by Charly Boy. Enjoy below...
A soulmate marriage does not at all mean
that you have found someone you match up
with on all the cards – on all the issues, on
everything. That would be the most deadly
dull thing to even imagine. Instead, it means
you've found someone and they don't ever
want to blow out that little light inside you.
And you feel the same way about them.
Growing up, seeing my Dad and Mum play the
happy couple,  holding hands, stealing kisses,
made marriage look so easy and beautiful.
Hummmm for where? Continue..

Don't get it twisted, I saw them argue and
quarrel as if they couldn't stand each other,
but the next minute, they were back to their
normal routine of holding hands and stealing
kisses, even till my father passed at 97.
Parents shouldn't really worry that children
never listen to them, they should worry that
they are always watching them. I always had
my reservations about 'happily ever after'
especially after 3 failed marriages. I always
wondered how two strangers can be together
for 40yrs, and guess what, I just woke up to
discover that I have been with the same
woman, the same smell, the same f--k, the
same routine for the past 36yrs, damn!
Someone form another background, home
training, different ideology, IQ, so many things
different, if not all.
When you are not yet married, people give you
reasons why you should get married, as if one
could just go to the shop and pick a spouse
off the shelf. Even if that was the case, how
do you know what you are buying until you
take it home. They tell you everything good
about marriage and how interesting it can be,
but they never promote the down side. “Just
marry the right person” is what they always
say but ‘right’ itself is relative. Who is the
right person? Dem never born dem joor. In my
village they will always say, if one waits to
marry someone like themselves, they probably
will wait forever.
Sometimes I think my wife is too good for me
and some other times I feel I should have done
better.
Get it straight, marriage is no fairy tale.
Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy -
and satisfied. It's your job to make your
marriage happy - and satisfying. Same goes
for sex. It isn't supposed to make you
passionate and "hot". It's up to you to make it
passionate and "hot" - and intimate. I see
people getting married every weekend and I
wonder if they know what they are getting
into. So many are consumed by just wanting
to get the title, some by the ceremony, others
think it’s a safe haven. As usual most of us
don't want to do the job, we want it so easy.
Hmmmmmmmm, see gobe!
The first time I got married, I guess my head
was filled with assumptions of what marriage
should be like; of-course I  was immature and
an armature. However, it wasn’t what I had
assumed and so it failed. The others too
didn’t work out because maybe I wasn’t
psychologically and mentally prepared for the
mess, crap and bullshit in marriage.
I’ve been married to my wife Lady Diane for
years, and the seeming success of our
marriage maybe as a result of my experience
from my other broken marriages. Let's tell it
as it is, marriage is somewhat putting up with
a lot of crap and bullshit, and we must have a
strong stomach for that. The word 'marry' is
fusing two imperfect things together; so how
is it possible that two imperfect things are
merged? I guess it just means two people
willing to be in a mess together, constantly
finding a way out.
When asked my secret of love, being married
for over 36years to the same person, I say ,
"Diane and I are happily incompatible and I
have learnt to live with that. She is an
extrovert and believe it or not, am an introvert
regardless of how I putout as CharlyBoy.
The most important marriage skill is listening
to your partner in a way that they can't
possibly doubt that you love them. When we
are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold
and expand. It was when I realised that love
was forbearance that I had a successful
marriage. Both parties have to know and have
that. You bear and you keep bearing and you
keep bearing. To be a bearer you must be a
forgiver, sometimes no apologies rendered.
Oooops! Yeah, that’s marriage.
Rice can never be beans and beans can never
be rice, if you like cook them in the same pot
they will always be different. They’ll still
perform their different functions, what you will
get is a different taste from the mixture.
That’s marriage, what you get is not as a
result of only you anymore but a mixture of
two. You’ve got to take it as it comes. What
counts in making a happy marriage is not so
much how compatible you are, but how you
deal with each other's incompatibility.
Marriage is usually a disaster when so many
things take the partners by surprise, when
things don’t turn out as assumed. The good
always comes with the bad, so it is with
everything in life, marriage inclusive. Any  fool
can have a trophy spouse. It takes a real man
to have a trophy marriage. I bet that getting
married is a way to show family and friends
that you have a successful personal life. It's
like the ultimate merit badge. My late father
stayed married to my mum for 60something
years. Looking at my stubborn mother, he
must have been willing to stomach a lot of
crap, but am also aware that my mum
swallowed lotta bullshit too.
My guys, this marriage matter no easy sam
sam. Kai, abi I wan become marriage